Biblical Sexuality, Pt.4 - What is Sex?
This is the fourth post in my discussion of biblical sexuality. The previous posts were entitled "What is a Human?", "What is Gender?", and "What is Marriage?" In brief, humans are made in the image of God and therefore infinitely valuable, gender is part of that image of God and necessary for humanity's function on Earth as God's mediatorial rulers, and marriage is a relationship that God designed for sanctification and to picture the relationship of Jesus Christ to the Church.
Don't talk about it
This is the question that parents fear. Amid all of the other results of their child hitting puberty, parents dread this the most; they live in mortal terror of the day their child will come to them and ask, "What is sex?" Discussing sex with your child has come to be universally referred to by the infamous phrase "The Talk," and various TV sitcoms arrange cringe-worthy scenes around the awkwardness arising from that conversation.
Unfortunately, despite the Bible's teaching on this matter, Christian parents are in much the same situation. Either they send their children to public school, where the government can teach them the evolutionary, non-biblical, secular view of sex; or they enroll them in Christian school or homeschool, where they usually aren't taught about sex at all. Generally, Christian children learn from their parents only that "sex is bad," without any idea of what it is or why it exists.
As a result of their parents' unwillingness to talk to them about this crucial aspect of life, many Christian teens turn to the internet to find out about sex on their own (perhaps this is part of the reason that pornography is raging among Christian men and women today), or they remain unaware that sex exist until they are married (and sometimes they need someone to explain it to them after they're married).
Why is this question so terrifying? Is it simply the idea that our children are becoming sexual beings and we're not sure how to cope with that fact? Or is it more so the fact that sex has been associated with shame in our culture? We have to ask ourselves this question: How does God feel about sex, and is that the way we feel about sex?
The problem
The world is not at this moment in the worst state it has ever been in sexually. That may come as a shock to some. In Christian circles, we are constantly inundated with the idea that the world is worse now than it has ever been, but we have to understand that the ancient world was full of sexual immorality and sin. Why else would sexual sins occupy a prominent place in Paul's in lists? (Rom. 1:29-32; 13:13; 1 Cor. 6:9-10; 2 Cor. 12:20-21; Gal. 5:19-21; Eph. 4:17-19, 25-32; Col. 3:5, etc.)
We today as well as the ancients of yesteryear face many problems in our societies that specifically deal with sex: homosexuality, bisexuality, polyamory, pre-marital sex, spouse rape, pornography, pedophilia, and sexualized media, just to name a few. But as with most issues, these are but symptoms of the real problem.
We today as well as the ancients of yesteryear face many problems in our societies that specifically deal with sex: homosexuality, bisexuality, polyamory, pre-marital sex, spouse rape, pornography, pedophilia, and sexualized media, just to name a few. But as with most issues, these are but symptoms of the real problem.
A large part of the issue has to do with the fact that we hear so many lies told about sex. Here are just a few of the world's lies about sex:
How are we to respond to these issues? Oftentimes in Christian circles we don't talk about the issue of godly sex, and so all our young people hear is the lies.
Lauren Winner sums up the situation nicely: “The problem is not that we talk about sex. The problem is how we talk about sex. So much of what we say about sex is wrong: deceptive, distorted, misleading. This matters, because the way we talk about sex reflects and forms the way we think about, and ultimately the way we practice, sex. Much of what we say about sex in public is, simply, false. And when we tell falsehoods about sex, and listen to falsehoods about sex, we wind up living falsehoods about sex.” [1]
I would contend that the primary problem in the world regarding sex is a failure to recognize God's authority as Creator, which makes Him the one with the right to determine what sex is, how it should be done, and how it should not be done.
In Christian circles, I believe the issue is that we simply do not know what sex is because we have not studied what its Creator tells us about it in His Word. The solution for everyone is to study and apply the truth that God teaches about sex.
If we as Christians are supposed to be "wise as serpents" (Mat. 10:16), "ready always to give an answer" (1 pet. 3:15), and "salt and light" in this present world (Mat. 5:13-16), what do we need to be teaching about sex?
- Sex is just physical
- Sex doesn't mean anything
- How you dress doesn't matter
- You shouldn't wait to have sex in marriage
- Good sex cannot happen in marriage
Unfortunately, the world is not the only one lying about sex; the church also communicates several ideas that are patently false when compared to Scripture:
- Premarital sex always makes you feel bad (but what of a seared conscience? 1 Tim. 4:2)
- Women don't want sex, only men do (then why does God say both spouses need it? 1 Cor. 7:5)
- Sex is dirty, disgusting, unimportant, or bad (then why did God make it and call it "very good"? Gen. 1:31) [1]
Lauren Winner sums up the situation nicely: “The problem is not that we talk about sex. The problem is how we talk about sex. So much of what we say about sex is wrong: deceptive, distorted, misleading. This matters, because the way we talk about sex reflects and forms the way we think about, and ultimately the way we practice, sex. Much of what we say about sex in public is, simply, false. And when we tell falsehoods about sex, and listen to falsehoods about sex, we wind up living falsehoods about sex.” [1]
I would contend that the primary problem in the world regarding sex is a failure to recognize God's authority as Creator, which makes Him the one with the right to determine what sex is, how it should be done, and how it should not be done.
In Christian circles, I believe the issue is that we simply do not know what sex is because we have not studied what its Creator tells us about it in His Word. The solution for everyone is to study and apply the truth that God teaches about sex.
If we as Christians are supposed to be "wise as serpents" (Mat. 10:16), "ready always to give an answer" (1 pet. 3:15), and "salt and light" in this present world (Mat. 5:13-16), what do we need to be teaching about sex?
What is sex?
The Bible talks a lot about sex, more so than most Christians are comfortable with. Classical Western society decided that sex was something you simply did not talk about, while Eastern, Middle-Eastern, and biblical society found that it was something that you simply couldn't not talk about.
We live in a world that greatly values privacy, but in much of the rest of the world privacy simply does not exist [2]. Many families the world over and even in biblical times live in one room together. It would be foolish in such situations to deny to your children that sex exist.
So, God talks a lot about sex; what does He say about it?
We live in a world that greatly values privacy, but in much of the rest of the world privacy simply does not exist [2]. Many families the world over and even in biblical times live in one room together. It would be foolish in such situations to deny to your children that sex exist.
So, God talks a lot about sex; what does He say about it?
Sex is good
Interestingly enough, Scripture's teaching about sex flies in the face of our discomfort and queasiness regarding the subject. While we are ashamed to talk about it, God's word proclaims that it is good and holy when used correctly.
1. Sex is good because God made it. After creating the first man and woman and then pronouncing them the first married couple, God commands them to procreate and fill the earth with God's image-bearers, who will rule it as God's mediators (Gen. 1:27-28). God created sex before the fall of creation into sin. That means sex is good because God made it good, as evidenced in verse 31:
3. Sex is Good because God recommends it. The Old Testament Wisdom Book Song of Solomon has been a source of discomfort for believers of all ages because of its explicit sexual imagery. To alleviate this awkwardness, many have historically interpreted it allegorically as a picture of either God's love for Israel or Christ's love for the church. However, the song makes the most sense as a celebration of romance and sex within marriage [4].
It is thought-provoking to ponder that fact that God intended sex to be so important that He wrote a whole book on its proper place and function. Nestled into the middle of this book comes a very interesting phrase. In 5:1, ending a scene portraying a marriage banquet, the narrator steps aside from the scene and calls to the audience in:
4. Sex is good because God commands it. The final line of proof for the goodness of sex is that God Himself commands all married couples to be engaged in frequent sex. In his discussion of marriage in 1 Corinthians, Paul instructs the married believers in verse 5:
1. Sex is good because God made it. After creating the first man and woman and then pronouncing them the first married couple, God commands them to procreate and fill the earth with God's image-bearers, who will rule it as God's mediators (Gen. 1:27-28). God created sex before the fall of creation into sin. That means sex is good because God made it good, as evidenced in verse 31:
And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.2. Sex is good because God approves of it. In the final chapter of the epistle to the Hebrews, the author gives various commands stemming from his main point: believers need to hold fast to Christ, even amid persecution. One such application is found in 13:4:
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.In this verse, God commands that believers should conduct their sex-lives in a way that is consistent with His plan; part of that plan is that marriage should be "honorable:" recognized as valuable and treated as such [3]. God demands respect for His perfect creation of sex and approves of its proper usage.
3. Sex is Good because God recommends it. The Old Testament Wisdom Book Song of Solomon has been a source of discomfort for believers of all ages because of its explicit sexual imagery. To alleviate this awkwardness, many have historically interpreted it allegorically as a picture of either God's love for Israel or Christ's love for the church. However, the song makes the most sense as a celebration of romance and sex within marriage [4].
It is thought-provoking to ponder that fact that God intended sex to be so important that He wrote a whole book on its proper place and function. Nestled into the middle of this book comes a very interesting phrase. In 5:1, ending a scene portraying a marriage banquet, the narrator steps aside from the scene and calls to the audience in:
Eat, friends, drink, and be drunk with love!The effect of this exhortation is that God (the ultimate narrator of all Scripture) says that he recommends this experience of love, marriage, and sexual bliss which He has designed for human beings.
4. Sex is good because God commands it. The final line of proof for the goodness of sex is that God Himself commands all married couples to be engaged in frequent sex. In his discussion of marriage in 1 Corinthians, Paul instructs the married believers in verse 5:
Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
God says to the married couples of Corinth that they must not "deprive one another." Given the previous discussion in verses 3-4, Paul is clearly referring here to sexual relations. Evidently, there was reactionary teaching in Corinth as a result of its sexualized society that sex in general was bad, and therefore some believers were practicing abstinence in their marriages [5]. Paul says that this is a problem and that believing couples should have frequent sex, barring infrequent times of intense spiritual struggle.
Taken together, all of this teaching is quite compelling (and maybe surprising to many). God not only made sex, but approves of it when it is practiced correctly, and He further recommends it for all and even goes so far as to command it for married couples. Scripture could be no clearer on this matter - sex is good.
Unfortunately, if we ever talk about sex in our churches, these are the passages we usually hear. They condemn sinful sexuality, but taken apart from God's praising of sex (which we rarely speak on) they would seem to condemn it universally. We need a balance, and so we must both praise sex and caution its usage, just as God does in His Word. So, what specific guidelines does God set? Suffice it to say, God in the sin lists mentioned above condemns all sexual relationships outside of marriage.
Why this limitation? The world around us looks at these regulations and laughs mockingly; they claim that these are antiquated standards of an irrelevant religion that seeks to deny people pleasure out of a false sense of self-righteousness. How do we answer that claim?
Luckily, God has already done so. The book of Ecclesiastes is a treasure trove of relevant discussions for our day and age. In this most philosophical book of the old Testament, Solomon reports that, for a time in his life when he rejected God and His authority, he went after all manner of worldly pleasures in order to satisfy himself. His conclusion? It's all pointless. He ends his book in 12:13 by saying:
Remember how we determined that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church? Well, sex is a physical picture of the unity that a couple shares in marriage. In Genesis 2:24 after the first wedding, the narrator notes:
But wait, there's more.
This is why "free sex" always leads to problems. It is no wonder that people do not trust each other in a hook-up society in which people are constantly promising life-long love and exclusivity in serial one-night-stands. The world today is full of compulsive sexual liars!
So, why does God limit sex to being between a husband and wife in marriage? Because He cares about what people say about His Son through sex, and because He designed sex to perform a specific task, and when it is taken out of its intended context, it causes problem. God loves us, and sex communicates love; that's why He limits sex.
This has been the longest post I've made thus far, but I didn't want to divide it up, nor did I want to leave anything out. This is a topic we need to talk about more in our churches, our homes, our schools, and our youth groups. Obviously, not talking about sex hasn't helped us, but neither has constantly talking about sex helped the world; the real solution is to find the balance of teaching the truth about sex from God's Word.
I end with a lengthy quote from Roger R. Sonnenburg, but one which I think sums up the issue well: “If we’re confused about the area of sex and our sexuality, it may be because we haven’t really gotten much in the way of guidance and instructions from those who have been placed over us to teach us. When we tried to talk to our parents, they were embarrassed, making it seem like our sexuality was shameful and bad. We may not have received useful information from our political, judicial, and educational agencies. And worse yet, the church has remained silent. Over the years, the church has, to its disgrace and shame, ignored the God-given gift of human sexuality, except to periodically shout from the pulpit ‘thou shalt not.’” [8]
This is my last post explaining biblical sexuality. In my next posts I will examine issues related to the topic.
Taken together, all of this teaching is quite compelling (and maybe surprising to many). God not only made sex, but approves of it when it is practiced correctly, and He further recommends it for all and even goes so far as to command it for married couples. Scripture could be no clearer on this matter - sex is good.
Sex is a blessing to be enjoyed
Sex is a blessing which God created and He intends for it to be enjoyed. But this is not all God says about sex; there are severe warnings as well about how sex is not to be done. I mentioned earlier that each New Testament list of sins contains sexual acts (Mark 7:21-22; Rom. 1:29-32; 13:13; 1 Cor. 6:9-10; 2 Cor. 12:20-21; Gal. 5:19-21; Eph. 4:17-19, 25-32; Col. 3:5, etc.).Unfortunately, if we ever talk about sex in our churches, these are the passages we usually hear. They condemn sinful sexuality, but taken apart from God's praising of sex (which we rarely speak on) they would seem to condemn it universally. We need a balance, and so we must both praise sex and caution its usage, just as God does in His Word. So, what specific guidelines does God set? Suffice it to say, God in the sin lists mentioned above condemns all sexual relationships outside of marriage.
Why this limitation? The world around us looks at these regulations and laughs mockingly; they claim that these are antiquated standards of an irrelevant religion that seeks to deny people pleasure out of a false sense of self-righteousness. How do we answer that claim?
Luckily, God has already done so. The book of Ecclesiastes is a treasure trove of relevant discussions for our day and age. In this most philosophical book of the old Testament, Solomon reports that, for a time in his life when he rejected God and His authority, he went after all manner of worldly pleasures in order to satisfy himself. His conclusion? It's all pointless. He ends his book in 12:13 by saying:
Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.At first glance, this would seem to be restrictive. But Solomon is not here concluding that all of these pleasures are bad, nor that the godly way of life is ascetic self-denial; on the contrary, he affirms many times that God intends for people to enjoy the blessings He gives them (2:24; 3:12-13; 5:18-20; 9:7-10). The caution regarding the use of these good things is three-fold:
- They cannot fully satisfy you; only God can
- You can only fully enjoy them by being satisfied in God first
- They can only be enjoyed the way God dictates
Sex is a picture
But Solomon's last stipulation still rubs many of us the wrong way. We know that God has the right to demand that sex must be done on his terms, but why does he restrict it so? Is he a killjoy? The reason for the restriction has to do with how God created sex.Remember how we determined that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church? Well, sex is a physical picture of the unity that a couple shares in marriage. In Genesis 2:24 after the first wedding, the narrator notes:
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.Much ink has been spilled over what exactly it means to become "one flesh." The passage indicates that in marriage a husband and wife become a new unit, and so "one flesh" describes how they together become a new entity [6]. But this idea of "one flesh" also holds sexual overtones; in 1 Corinthians 6:16, Paul says that the act of sexual union pictures (maybe even initiates) the "one flesh" relationship.
Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.”So, by correlation, if sex pictures marriage, and marriage pictures Christ and the church, then how humans have sex teaches theology. What is the relationship between Christ and the church like? It is pictured in God's loving, others-focused blessing of sex.
But wait, there's more.
Sex is a promise
Not only is sex a picture of marriage, and thereby also of Christ and the church, but it is also a promise. We have established that sex pictures marriage. In the last post, I argued that God's plan for marriage involves three elements:- Love: self-sacrifice for another's benefit)
- Commitment: a life-long bond)
- Exclusivity: marriage is between one man and one woman).
This is why "free sex" always leads to problems. It is no wonder that people do not trust each other in a hook-up society in which people are constantly promising life-long love and exclusivity in serial one-night-stands. The world today is full of compulsive sexual liars!
So, why does God limit sex to being between a husband and wife in marriage? Because He cares about what people say about His Son through sex, and because He designed sex to perform a specific task, and when it is taken out of its intended context, it causes problem. God loves us, and sex communicates love; that's why He limits sex.
Conclusion
Sex is the God-designed, physical expression of love within the marriage bond, which God intended as both a blessing to be enjoyed as well as a continuing promise to keep one’s vow of committed, self-sacrificial love.This has been the longest post I've made thus far, but I didn't want to divide it up, nor did I want to leave anything out. This is a topic we need to talk about more in our churches, our homes, our schools, and our youth groups. Obviously, not talking about sex hasn't helped us, but neither has constantly talking about sex helped the world; the real solution is to find the balance of teaching the truth about sex from God's Word.
I end with a lengthy quote from Roger R. Sonnenburg, but one which I think sums up the issue well: “If we’re confused about the area of sex and our sexuality, it may be because we haven’t really gotten much in the way of guidance and instructions from those who have been placed over us to teach us. When we tried to talk to our parents, they were embarrassed, making it seem like our sexuality was shameful and bad. We may not have received useful information from our political, judicial, and educational agencies. And worse yet, the church has remained silent. Over the years, the church has, to its disgrace and shame, ignored the God-given gift of human sexuality, except to periodically shout from the pulpit ‘thou shalt not.’” [8]
This is my last post explaining biblical sexuality. In my next posts I will examine issues related to the topic.
Sources:
1. Lauren Winner, Real Sex
2. Randolph Richards & Brandon O'Brien, Misreading Scripture with Western Eyes
3. A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature (BDAG)
4. Robert Alter, Strong as Death is Love
5. F. W. Grosheide, The New international Commentary on the New Testament: 1 Corinthians
6. Kenneth Matthews, The New American Commentary: Genesis
7. Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage
8. Roger R. Sonnenberg, Human Sexuality
All Scripture references come from the ESV.
5. F. W. Grosheide, The New international Commentary on the New Testament: 1 Corinthians
6. Kenneth Matthews, The New American Commentary: Genesis
7. Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage
8. Roger R. Sonnenberg, Human Sexuality
All Scripture references come from the ESV.
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