What Is Respect? Part 1: Courtesy

As a student at a Christian university, and then as a teacher at a Christian university, I have heard a lot of talk about the concept of respect. Certainly, respect is a biblical concept (and command), but I have come to realize that we often use this word without defining or analyzing what we mean.With each new generation, the buzzwords and their definitions shift; just as each generation has its own ideas of what is most important, so too each generation defines those important topics according to its own values. I have found this to be the case with the seemingly nebulous concept of “respect.” This seven-part blog post series comes from a student life workshop I presented at Maranatha Baptist University.

Stating the Issue

If your experience is anything like mine, then you have been told to “respect” many different people and things in your lifetime. We've all heard that we should respect our elders, we've heard that we should respect our parents. We should respect God's word, and others’ time. We should respect our teachers, our roommates, our pastors. We should respect the church building (anyone ever get told don't run in church?), respect others’ privacy, authorities, and God. And yet, just as we intuitively know that the statements “I love my wife,” “I love my dog,” and “I love pizza” each mean something different, we also recognize that “respect” is not the same in each of these situations. So, what is respect?

In addition to the confusion and angst surrounding this issue because the terms are not often qualified, different generations have different assumptions about respect. How would you answer the following questions:

Is everyone worthy of respect?
Is respect earned or deserved?
Is respect an action or an attitude?
Is respect the same thing as obedience?

Perhaps this example will resonate with some of you. “Sometimes people use respect to mean treating someone like a person, and sometimes they use respect to mean treating someone like an authority, and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say, ‘if you won't respect me, I won't respect you,’ and they mean ‘if you won't treat me like an authority, I won't treat you like a person.’ And they think they're being fair but they aren't, and it's not okay.”[1] What is respect? Does it mean treat as an authority, or does it mean treat as a human? Again, the problem here is that we don't define terms.

I will make the case from Scripture that respect is important and even commanded, but also that there are multiple categories of respect. But before we can explore those categories together, we need to make some foundational statements to frame the discussion.

Framing the Discussion

The case I’m going to make today is that Scripture talks about three different kinds or levels of respect: the base is courtesy, and then submission, and then imitation. I typically represent these three levels with a diagram, in which courtesy is the broad base of a pyramid, then the next level up is submission, and finally the top of the pyramid is imitation. I use this shape to get across the point that there are more situations of courtesy than there are situations of submission, and there are more situations of submission than there are of imitation. The levels are increasingly narrow.

Allow me to present a schema to understand each of these levels, because though the situations are distinct, they all deal with this broad issue of respect.

All respect is ultimately for God
Respect has three different forms or levels
The different levels have different theological bases
The different levels have different requirements

Hopefully the first point is not too shocking. Scripture is clear that God is the creator and sustainer of the universe (Gen. 1:1; Ps. 96:5), that all things exist not only through him but also for him (Rom. 11:36; 1 Cor. 8:6; Col. 1:16-17), that he is the source and standard of all that is good and holy (Lev. 11:44; 1 Pet. 1:16), and that we are to fear him and submit to his created order (Eccl. 12:13-14). Since the case I am making is that respect is commanded by God, his definitions are those that are binding and obedience to him is the end goal. Thus, doing respect correctly is ultimately motivated by his greatness and his goodness.

I will work through the rest of the points as we work through the process; for each of the three levels of respect, I will explain the differing theological bases as well as their requirements as commanded in Scripture. This post will cover the base level of the pyramid: courtesy.

Courtesy: General Respect

The first and broadest level is respect for all people, which I have labelled “courtesy.” When we speak of respecting others’ time, property, personal space, etc. this is what we are discussing. The theological basis for this general respect is twofold: first, all humans are made in the image of God; and second, God has commanded us to love people.

Much could be said about the image of God in man – the imago Dei, but I will spare you. This is truly one of my favorite doctrines, though I have termed it “the forgotten doctrine” because I fear it is rarely discussed, even though its impact on our daily life as images of God surrounded by images of God are inexhaustible. Suffice it to say, God created all human beings – man and woman, adult and child – in his own image (Gen. 2:26-27). While the image is never clearly explained in Scripture, it is clear that this image is what gives us the capacity for relationships with God, man, and the created world; only humans bear the image, and all humans bear the image (Gen. 1:26-27; 5:1-2). While the image is marred by the Fall, it is not expunged (Gen. 9:6; Jas. 3:9), and the goal of sanctification is the restoration of the image (2 Cor. 3:18), which ends in final glorification (1 Jn. 3:2). The image of God gives all human beings value, dignity, and the right to be treated as such; to do otherwise is sin.

The second basis for general respect is the command to love others. Again, much could be said on this topic, but I will summarize. Scripture is clear that love is an attribute of God which we are commanded to emulate (Lev. 19:18; Micah 6:8), that we should love others as Christ loved us in his Atonement (Jn. 15:12-13), and that a lack of love for others is an indicator that a person does not know God (1 Jn. 4:7-12), since love is both one of the two great commandments (Mt. 22:26-40) and the fulfillment of the whole Law (Gal. 5:14). This command is most easily summarized in the Golden Rule: “whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them” (Mt. 7:12). Putting these two foundations together, we find the basis for general respect, or courtesy: viewing and treat people the way God does, as his valued images.

Implications for Life

What are the implications of this general respect? Just as the God whom we image is infinite, so the implications of that fact are ubiquitous in our lives. In short: every person we ever meet is an image of God, and so are we; we do not have the authority to determine how they or we ought to be treated – God does. Allow me to hit on a few specific applications:

First, we should treat all people as equals, because they are. Scripture warns us of the sin of partiality, or as older versions translate is, “respect of persons.” We are warned not to practice this action because God himself does not (Rom. 2:11) and because doing so makes us corrupt judges (Jas. 2:2-4). Once again, the topic is far-reaching, but generally this term speaks of unjust favoritism or discrimination in the areas of reward or punishment (see Gal. 2:6; Eph. 6:9; Col. 3:25; Jude 16). At a broader level, general respect prohibits the sin of prejudice. All people are images of God, so give them the respect you would to God; favoritism of any kind is sinful, since it is refusing to value and treat people the way God does. While at some level stereotypes are a type of survival mechanism, holding on to a stereotype and refusing to learn more is prejudice; you've decided that your impression is more important than the person. Love is learning more.

Second, we should recognize experience. Though our modern world rejects the notion, Scripture teaches that the young should seek and honor the counsel of the old because they have wisdom (Lev, 19:32; Pro. 20:29). Though age is no guarantee of wisdom (Ps. 119:100) and we must still discern for ourselves (Acts 17:11; Phil. 1:9-11), especially in the church the pattern is that the older are to mentor the younger in godliness (Tit. 2:1-6). On the flip-side, Paul tells his protégé, Timothy, “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example” (1 Tim. 4:12). While our culture and sin natures tell us to reject the experience of others, Scripture tells us that we need multiple perspectives to make wise choices (Pro. 11:14) and we should heed criticism when it is given (Pro. 15:32). Don't assume that people don't know anything just because they're older or younger than you. Don't judge older or younger generations unfairly; they're products of their time as much as you are of yours. Remember, we're all different. We all have different perspectives, different influences on us. Those in the body of Christ are not supposed to be exactly the same; we are united, not uniform (1 Cor. 12:4-11). Learn from each other; to do otherwise is prejudice.

Third, we must speak in love. James says a lot about the tongue: it is a burning fire, a world of iniquity, set on fire by Hell, a little flame that can cause a huge forest fire (Jas. 3:5-6). He says that it's a problem that we use our tongue to worship God and yet curse God's image human beings (vv.9-10). This is why it's wrong to slander. We don't slander authorities because they're humans; it has nothing to do with their position of authority – you shouldn't slander anyone (Eph. 4:31; Col. 3:8; 1 Pet. 2:1). Our speech is designed to encourage rather than discourage; we don't gossip, we don't tell rude jokes about people, we don’t rant on social media, we don’t use smear campaigns (Eph. 4:29-32). To do so grieves the Holy Spirit (v.30). Rather, imitate Christ and have the same mind as him: he gave up his status to become a lowly servant and die in our place (Phil. 2:1-7). They're images of God, and so are we.

Conclusion

So, the bottom line for general respect – courtesy – is that you owe every person respect because they bear God's image and God commands you to value and love them. That is the baseline expectations for every human interaction we ever have, be it with an authority, a spouse, a church member, or an unbeliever. Since this is the base of the pyramid, every other category assumes general respect and builds upon it.

This series is seven posts long, covering the three broad categories of respect as well as the five sub-categories of submission:

Next Post: Marriage

[1] https://soycrates.tumblr.com/post/115633137923/stimmyabby-sometimes-people-use-respect-to-mean

All Scripture verses come from the ESV.

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